Yuffie The Vampire Slayer
by Spreckin
Summary: Uh... I thought the named explained well enough.
1. Intro to Insanity

Authors note: Eh? What? What happened?

Yuffie: Hey, get your lazy butt up! You have stories to write about me!

Author: S… stories? But I wanna watch the clouds go by…

Yuffie: Vinnie, make her get up and write!

Vincent: …

Yuffie: (holds up her fire materia) Get up or feel the wrath of the awesome ninja Yuffie!

Author: (sits up) Eh…? How troublesome…

Vincent: …

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Square Enix or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Title: Yuffie the Vampire Slayer

Chapter 1: Intro to Insanity

"OUCH!!!!" I scream jumping up from my prone form to get into my fighting stance. "GAWD! You spiky headed jerk! You think you beat me well think again! One more time just you and me, bring it on!" I watched from my safe distance as the blond spiked guy turns to his jerk friends and discuss something. Boy now that is a weird crew: a huge hairy man with a gun on his arm and a giant red cat with one eye and a tattoo. "Hey," I scream, "Don't ignore me!" Suddenly an idea came to my mind as I watched the blue-eyed cutie turned back to look at me. "Oh, I get it you're all just too shocked and amazed at my super ninja skills right?"

Actually they whooped my butt, but they don't need to know that. I figured that they were easy targets to get some spare change. It was all going really good until they brought out some strong materia. A couple fire spells later I'm rolling on the floor like an idiot trying to save my overly toasted buns!

"Uh… yeah." The blond guy said. I couldn't help but give him a toothy grin then I nodded in understanding. "I knew" I stated, "I should have held back. I mean the mere sight of such a powerful ravishing beauty such as myself is something that most mortals such as you can't even begin to comprehend."

"Uh, sure." The guy said. I looked at him for a long moment. He was cute but he didn't seem to be having a lot goin' on upstairs…. Perhaps his ridiculously spiky hair is poking at his brain. 'Doesn't seem to be the brightest bulb in the… bulb box thingy…' I thought "So what are you guys doing out here in the middle of the woods anyway?" Wow, was that a question not to ask. The blond wouldn't shut up about this guy named Seph…. Something-or-other and helping some girl to promises. 'Promises… isn't that some drug rehab place?' I don't know I wasn't really listening. "We could use your skills," The blond said, "Would you like to come with us?"

After thinking about it for a minute I smiled and nodded. 'If I go with them I'll be able to get my hands on all their amazing materia!' I had to suppress a chuckle at my own genius. "It's just a good thing that you caught me in such a merciful mood as to let you all li-Hey!" I yell as I see them walk away from me, "Where are you going! W… wait, I'm coming too!"

To be continued

Yuffie: That's all you're going to write!?

Author: Well… it is just an introduction to the story. Next chapter will have lots more.

Vincent: …

Yuffie: You better have lots more or I'll make Vinnie bite you and make you a vampire!

Vincent: …

Author: Vincent, don't you ever say anything?

Vincent: I need my gun.

Yuffie and Author: O.o

Vincent: … To clean…

Yuffie: Uh… yeah

Author: Please review, thank you.


	2. Wait, more of them?

Author: Hi

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Square Enix or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Chapter 2: Wait, more of them!?

Dear Diary,

I have been traveling with the group named Avalanche for over two weeks. While at first I thought this would be a piece of cake I soon realized that I might be more then a little screwed! I have been doing my research in every comic I have (which is only two… but they are REAL good ones!) and I have come to the conclusion that the group I am with is nothing but a bunch of monsters! You read me right, monsters! Allow me to explain:

Tifa. I am positive that she is a Succubus. You know, one of those demon women that suck the life out of men? I mean it just makes sense when you look at her, big hair, big eyes, and comically huge boobs. Plus she is a ditz who is all gushy over our leader, Cloud.

Cloud- Um… I think he's an albino. I mean he's SO pale! Plus his eyes are so blue and his hair is so blond, I'm amazed he doesn't melt like the snowman he is. I don't think I really have to worry about him. I mean if he causes me any trouble I could just flash a light at him. Plus, he's nice. He checks up on me from time if I get my motion sickness and he gives me tranquillizers when I ask. He's cute too. Oops, getting off topic!

Barret. Wow, if that isn't a were-wolf I don't know what is! I mean he's a big hairy, swearing, smelly thing! I mean when he sleeps his snoring is like a bears growl! I think I read that silver takes care of them, I'll have to test that theory. I Also think that Red XIII is one too. But he's a real cool one. He's smart and he lets me talk to him when I can't sleep at night.

Aerith- I think that's how you spell that girls name. Well, she so pretty and sweet I think that she's one of those angels that are trying to get their wings. I guess these guys really like her though since they are always looking out for her. But I better make sure to keep her safe.

Well I'll have to continue my investigation later! Right now we stopped at the Gold Saucer, can you believe it! Everyone else in the prison below though. Apparently there was an accident and Cloud and the others were held accountable for it. I was in Wonder Square and only found out when I saw it on the breaking Chocobo News. Sucks for them! Relax diary I'm kidding, even at this moment I am thinking of a genius way to help them all escape. Anyway I'm gonna go since there is so much fun going on everywhere that I think I'm going to explode! I can't think of a good idea without having some fun first!

That's all I got right now Diary! I'll keep you posted on anything that develops.

Love,

Yuffie .

Her journal entry done Yuffie jumped off the bed she was resting on. Stretching her frame she looked around the spooky room of the hotel that she and her commerads were staying at. The room had black walls and chains and other torture devices strewn about the floor. Fake blood and body parts seemed as if they crawled out from under the bed and the when the lightning would strike the light would cast deformed looking shadows that almost looked like people waiting in the corners. Yuffie loved all of it.

She stepped out into the abandoned looking hallway and saw that no one was there. She was only at the theme park for the afternoon and already she knew her way around. It didn't take her long to get to Wonder Square again. She skipped on her merry way until she ran into a wall that suddenly sprang up in front of her.

"Ouch!" She yelped as she rubbed her nose. She then felt a large leather clad hand grab her shoulder and hoist her to her feet as if she weighed nothing at all. Her storm gray eyes snapped and looked up to meet emerald green ones. There standing before her was a man at least 6'0 feet tall. With silver hair that was longer then she was tall.

"Are you alright?" The man said, his deep velvet voice almost making her knees buckle.

"Uh, yeah." Yuffie said as she continued to stare. The man stared down at her with predator like eyes and she gulped without meaning to. "I'm fine." The man simply nodded and stepped around her with a grace Yuffie never saw in anything but a cat. A blush appeared on her cheeks as she watched the figure walk off. 'What a handsome man!' She thought to herself.

The Next Day

Dear Diary,

Okay! New development diary, we got a new crew member! Which means a new possible target:

Cait Sith- The only thing that I could tell you is that it's a giant possessed toy. The toy is fun though, he knows a lot of dirty jokes that just crack me up! I don't know how to kill a demon toy but I'll figure something out with my many awesome brains! (Yes, I have multiple brains!!! Muahaha!)

Oh! I ran into this gorgeous guy yesterday, which turned out to be Sephiroth. He's the guy that Cloudy is hell bent on killing. I found this out because he got a sighed photo of Sephiroth that was given by the creepy big muscled guy names Dio, the man that owns the theme park. I stole the photo… the guy is just so handsome. I want to see him again, just to see if he's really all that bad. He seemed a little cold but I don't know if I could really think that he is bad as everyone says he is. I'll have to find out on my own. Okay that's all from the Gold Saucer! Our next stop is where Cloud's old hometown used to be, Neblehim or something. He said it burned down a long time ago so I wonder what's there now.

Okay laters! I'll keep you posted!

Love,

Yuffie

To be continued

Yuffie: Better! Much more to read! Spectacular!!!

Vincent: …

Author: Please review, thank you.

Dai-chan: Jason sucks.

Author: Dai-chan? What are you doing here?

Dai-chan: Ah, I'm just here to say Jason sucks! That's all (walks off)

Yuffie: Who was that?

Author: Just a friend of mine who's bitter because of some guy.

Vincent: …

Author: Vincent why are you even here?

Vincent: … You write… that I am… here.

Author: (sigh) Sometimes men are difficult…


End file.
